Happy holidays

hire snooki to come to your bday party

the incident

http://www.unlikelywords.com/2009/12/08/jersey-shore-nickname-generator/

on the radio

this morning i heard a girl talking about how she was sure that her boyfriend was cheating on her and how she hadn't said anything to him about it but instead ordered a ton of gnarly porn on his business credit card and sent it to his mom. then the crafty radioman called the boyfriend pretending to offer him free flowers and the boyfriend asked them to be delivered in one month and that the card should say "to my fiancee, i have loved you ever since i met you, thanks for saying yes."

this is going to be amazing

movies you should watch

DC Cab- i still haven't seen the whole thing but it's amazing, it has Mr T, Gary Busey, Adam Baldwin, Bill Maher (really Gary Busey is the only one that matters, he basically steals the show) just go watch it ASAP, if you don't trust me, ask wiley. but don't trust wiley.

Anvil- this film is a real conversation starter. it's definitely entertaining, also pretty sad (i may have cried a little) but uplifting at the same time. basically you won't understand until you see it. so go ahead and watch this one too. ASAP.

Beer- Danny recommended this one, at first I wasn't sure (sorry Danny) but after about 2 minutes I was already so happy (thanks Danny!), this is just a laugh-a-minute, knock-your-socks-off, fun-for-the-whole-family kind of film. i would tell you more but i don't want to ruin it. you also must be drinking beers while watching this or else you will feel like and look like and turn into a loser. ASAP.

i promise you that watching these three movies will drastically and instantly improve the quality of your life.

LOLOLOL

The Ultimate in Lounging

Do you ever wake up and imagine how awesome it would be if you didn’t have to get dressed? I do—I hate getting dressed. It would also be great if I didn’t always have to brush my teeth—it’s boring. And then instead of going downstairs to eat breakfast, I would just stay lying down and the food would float upstairs and into my mouth. Actually, instead of having to open my mouth all the way up, there would be an IV going directly into my blood so I could stay relaxed and asleep and wouldn’t have to chew. Similarly, there would be two tubes in my pajama pants so I never had to stand up and walk all the way to the bathroom. And instead of using my hand to turn the pages of books or pick up a remote control, I would just stay asleep, and my mind would play imaginary movies all the time. And then I would never have to open my eyes again—I could just stay so relaxed and chilled out that instead of breathing I would just stay super still and silent forever. The ultimate in lounging. And then I would be so chilled out that they would put me in a box and just let me chill out forever underground.

-edith zimmerman, my new lady-love

S. A. B.

soooo i was watching confessions of a shopaholic last night (wiley refused to watch it) (jk it was his idea) (jk it was my idea but he loved it) (a lot) and for the millionth time i realized...
SEPARATED AT BIRTH:


lu holland + isla fisher. can't even tell who's who!
they even laugh the same
it
is
CRaZY!
ps laura this could be you:

get preggos!!!!!!!!!!!!! please mr buttons wants a friendbaby to play with!

i must confess

that i have been running jogging lately and it is awesome. i don't even go that far or for very long (20-30 min maybe, probably more like 19 min to be honest) and now my muscles are hurting and i have so much more energy and i just feel so great. seriously, go for a little jog. even in the cold (especially in the cold?) it's just the best time that you will ever have. get off your asses. burn off a couple of those bud lights/pancake sandwiches you've been eating. YOU WON'T BE SORRY.

goldie hawn/things i've been watching

love her!

i just watched overboard, it was amaazing.

i also watched paper heart, it was good.

i also watched away we go, it was really good.

i also watched desperate housewives, it was insane!!!!

love

my one-eyed boys

happy thanksgiving

"It’s Thanksgiving week, and millions of American families are talking turkey as they prepare for their holiday meals. But they probably haven’t thought much about how 250 million American turkeys get from farm to table each year...

These birds are typically shackled and hung upside down, paralyzed by electrified water, and dragged over mechanical throat-cutting blades— all while conscious. Many birds each year miss the blades and drown in tanks of scalding water.

Slaughtering conscious birds is not only inhumane, but also presents serious risks for food safety and slaughterhouse workers who handle the flailing animals."



enjoy your turkey jerks.

ARSENIII VASELENKO

scheming

allllright. since everyone basically stomped all over my brilliant egg-laying idea, i have come up with a new money-making scheme. well, not quite. i need a little help. here is the basic idea:

i eat a lot of yogurt. this means that i throw away 1 little yogurt cup per day, on average. this is an atrocity. here comes the hard part- what can i make out of these yogurt cups that i can trick people into buying? jewelry? picture frames? furniture? candles? clothing? money? ipods?



i just want to invent something and never work again.

girls can make $6000

by donating their eggs

!

not like this is news but i just heard an ad on the radio this morning and had a few thoughts:

-i didn't realize it was that much $$
-can we really put a price on life
-i want to do it!
-but not for the $$, just because i want to spread my dna all around and promote blondeness

anyway, if you are poor, sell your eggs for gosh sakes, you have like 10 trillion infinity black magic of them.* **

*don't take my word on this.
**girls only sorry wiley

my two dads

who wouldn't want to be me?

hi blog. i'd like to say that i've been busy but let's be honest. i haven't. here's what you've been missing:

last night i tried to check out a book at the library. my card was expired. the librarian renewed my card and then told me i had a $3 fine. i didn't have any money so i drove home, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, made a quesadilla, drove back to the library, paid my fine, and settled in to read the sound and the fury. it was a nightmare. i don't recommend it.

in other news, i thought today was tuesday.

also, this:

Teachers have been condemned by parents for staging a mock break-in at a primary school which featured a pool of fake blood and a female staff member who pretended to have been assaulted.

meet me on the mountain top

today is friday the 13th you idiots

here are some facts:

-Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they avoid their normal routines in doing business, taking flights or even getting out of bed. It's been estimated that $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day.

-Fewer accidents and reports of fire and theft occur when the 13th of the month falls on a Friday than on other Fridays, because people are preventatively more careful or just stay home.

-There are indications that there are more accidents on Fridays than average weekdays probably because of alcohol consumption.

-The actual origin of the superstition appears to be a tale in Norse mythology. Friday is named for Frigga, the free-spirited goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to a mountaintop and labeled a witch. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess convened a meeting with eleven other witches, plus the devil - a gathering of thirteen - and plotted ill turns of fate for the coming week.

i am shaking in my boots! meet me on the mountaintop

i know this is old news but

this picture just killed me. i couldn't stop laughing. it's so good! i'm still laughing! aahahahaahahahahaha

chris

can we have a book club? i think my brain is melting, all i do is eat pizza and bite my toenails, let's read some books ok?

let's get cultured

now that we are all healthy from eating flax seeds and drinking V8 and taking vitamins, it's time to get some action in the most important part of the body: the eyeball. robert bergman's exhibit at the national gallery looks like it has plenty of good eyeball food.

cut me in quadrants

leave me in the corner

wiley's parents met my parents last night

it looked and felt like this:

beard beads

live music

prettiest towns

cape may is on the forbes top 20 prettiest towns list

so is annapolis
so is santa fe

sorry san francisco/dc/nyc/all other towns
you ugly

road trip!!!!!

problem

i can't remember the last time i showered

: (

panda band

last night i was babysitting and i had to read this book, "panda band," which tells the story of a panda who is working her little panda butt off, mopping floors, sweating, and her friend works too, but he just gets to play the sax all day and has a lot of fans. not to give away the ending, but the panda gets her friend's sax and forms a band and has a blast. i know i'm not mopping floors and i'm certainly not sweating, but i would definitely prefer to be playing the sax right now. this book made it all seem so easy!! who wants to be in my panda band?